How long will the pain last? Was the question I received once from a broken hearted Dad just after I had buried his only Son.
(I know what he was thinking for on December 22, 1999 my only Son Christopher Lee Patterson left this Earthly plane, at the age of almost 18, we had the visitation on Christmas Eve and held his Home Going Service the Day after Christmas. Every time I bury someone’s Mom or Dad it brings back the pain of the loss of my Mom in 2006 and my Dad in 2004 . This then brings back my Son’s loss and if I am not careful I will spiral down to a state of depression).
I said to him "All the rest of your Life." I had to answer him truthfully because that had become my own reality. I also know that the Holidays are the worse of times as well as anniversaries of their death and their birthday for everyone who has had a loss of any kind.
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We never forget nor should never forget whom we lost. No matter how many years pass, we remember. The loss of a child is like a major operation. Part of us has been cut out and removed, and we have a scar for the rest of our lives that sometimes seem faint and at others seems to be worse than when we first had the loss. Sometimes we have to just be kind to someone that says something dumb that we know they did not mean it the way it came out of their mouth.
As the years go by, we manage, we get by. There are things to do, people to care for, tasks that call for our full attention. But the pain is still there, not far below the surface. We see a face that looks familiar, hear a voice that echoes, see a photograph, see a landscape that we once saw together, and it seems as though a knife were in that wound again. We find ourselves with joy but also remembering that happy time can bring us sorrow. But we must focus on that happiness and with it will keep us moving on to the future. Time does not heal all wounds it only puts a distance between what caused the pain and where we are at that time.
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How long will the pain last? All the rest of your life! But one of the things to remember is that not only the pain will last, but also all the blessed memories as well. Tears are our proof of life. The more we love, the more tears we have.
If this be true, then how could we ever ask that the pain cease altogether. So if it does go away so will also all the memories of the love we had for that person. The pain of grief and loss is the price we pay for love.
Copyrighted by Bill Patterson November 1, 2008
