Part 1 - A Survivor's Story of Escaping Domestic Violence

Here at Cherokee Women's Health Specialists, our mission as OB’s is to ensure that all babies are born well. Part of that mission is a healthy birth, and the other part is that the babies go home to safe homes. To us, well-born means more than just a birth, it’s a way of life. Unfortunately, heartbreaking stories of babies who are born into abusive homes and the existence of domestic violence is far too prevalent. In an effort to help save lives, we felt it important to bring the severity of this issue to our blog this week.

Domestic violence is an issue that doesn’t discriminate on race or status. The root of why men (and sometimes women) beat their partners and children is due to power and control. The abuser’s need for absolute power and control drives them to violence. Often, a man feels powerless in the event of a new pregnancy due to stressors of a new baby on the way, such as finances, the amount of attention the woman and baby are getting, and other reasons.

According to local organization Cherokee Family Violence Center‘s website:

Other frightening domestic violence statistics include:

• The No. 1 and No. 2 causes of women’s deaths during pregnancy in the United States: Domestic homicide and suicide, often tied to abuse.
• Georgia is currently ranked 6th in the nation for rate of men killing women, seeing increasing numbers of Domestic Violence fatalities since 2008.
• In 2012, there were 3,635 Domestic Violence related calls to law enforcement in Cherokee County.

Children are also effected by domestic violence. Children brought up in a home with domestic violence are more likely to develop social, emotional and psychological behavior problems. For the staff at Cherokee Women’s, our commitment to well-born babies is more than just helping women during their pregnancies, it’s a commitment to helping women, children and babies in the long term against the threat of domestic violence.

The Cherokee Family Violence Center has had many successful stories of women who have graduated from their program. You can read some of their stories of healing here. One of the stories in particular that touched us so was that of Amanda Fleming, a 25-year-old with three small girls who came to live with Cherokee Family Violence Center in 2005.

In Part 1 of a three-part video series, Amanda opens up about her living with domestic violence and how she heroically escaped her situation.  Amanda’s story begins after her now ex-husband began verbally abusing her during her first pregnancy. She was without a strong support system and fully dependent on him and his family, who were also abusive. During her second pregnancy, the physical abuse began, in front of her then 2-year-old. At 8 months pregnant, her ex-husband backed into her with his car while she was sitting in the driveway with her other daughter and she went into early labor. He took her to the hospital and the staff were able to stop the labor. It was at this time that she decided to leave him and began working on a plan to do so. The week she planned to leave and move in with family, she not only found out he’d had past substance abuse issues with marijuana and cocaine, but she found out she was pregnant for a third time. Unable to handle the stress of the situation, she broke down and confided in her OB/GYN and by law, he had to report her situation to an agency, which forced them to take in-home parenting classes and family counseling. Her ex-husband rarely attended. Her counselor told her something that impacted her to finally leave: “Do you want your daughters to be married to a man that treats them this way, ’cause staying with him is teaching them that it is OK.” Her counselor helped her get her GED and driver’s license, neither of which she’d had before.

Just a week after the delivery of her third child, Amanda began to have complications with her heart. When her youngest was only 3 months old, she suffered from a TIA, or mini stroke. Her plan to leave was put on hold due to her health. A couple months later, she received a call from family that her grandfather was not doing well, so the entire family came up to Georgia for a visit. The night they arrived, he passed away. The next night her ex-husband started going into withdrawals and took off from her mom’s house to a local bar, only to return drunk and screaming. He left for their own home shortly after. Amanda and her children came home and immediately started packing up the house, locking it down so he couldn’t come inside. The police were called and her parents called a U-Haul truck to bring her things back their house. She lived with her mother for 3 months until December 2005, when she came to live with CFVC.

Amanda worked 2 jobs and attended school all while taking care of her 3 children. Eventually, she was able to drop one job and focus on finishing her schooling. Amanda graduated from Appalachian Technical College as Valedictorian with her LPN. She has been working in hospitals ever since, and is now fully independent and working at Northside Hospital in Atlanta. Amanda is now an advocate for victims and speaks on their behalf. She is no longer a victim nor a survivor, but a thriver. 

Get Help

If you or someone you know is suffering from domestic violence, please seek help. Their crisis hotline is 770-479-1703 (En Español: 770-720-7050).